The Space In Between

     Today is my “due date.” It’s a funny thing to have a set date determined for a human being to arrive. I know many women reach their due date and are tired, anxious, and/or over ready for baby to be born. I feel grateful to be at ease with where we are in this process and trust that she will come when she is ready. The last few days have brought much stillness and content. I have spent my mornings looking out the window to watch the sun cast itself upon the calm ocean waters. I have listened to the geese call and watched deer step foot on our grass. Today I noticed a bunny hop outside the bathroom window. I am embracing the space in-between.

     I am now three days “over-due” and feel like I have been given the gift of time. There is a quiet energy as I go about the feeling of floating through my day. Yesterday I enjoyed lunch with my mom at one of my most cherished places. I engaged in conversation in a spacious and ever-present way. I made a new connection that I might not have before. Chances are I wouldn’t have even looked up to notice this person was even there. Instead a beautiful interaction was made and the start of a new friendship was sparked. I am embracing the space in-between.

     I am savouring small sips of hot tea while looking out the window and relishing in the quietude that home brings. I am dwelling in the spaciousness of these moments and the peace that it brings. In yoga there is a term for the pause between the inhale and exhale breath. It is called Kumbhaka. There are two main types of Kumbhaka: Antar Kumbhaka, which is the cessation of breath when the inhalation is complete and the lungs are filled up; and Bahya Kumbhaka, which is the cessation of breath when the exhalation is complete. This practise of breath retention is said to improve concentration and clear and still the mind.

     There is an art to embracing this pause and to welcoming the spaces in between. We feel restless when waiting rather than grateful for the gift of time. Great possibility lies in open space and the offerings that it brings. A blank canvas to create, a new beginning at play, an opportunity to simply pause and reflect. An invitation to notice and to feel the cold crisp air or the wind upon our face. A sweet delight of awareness or awakening that rises from within. I am embracing the space in between.

     I am savouring these final days of baby in the womb. I have been talking to her about how much I have cherished our time together and how much of a blessing pregnancy has been for me. How it has softened me, strengthened me, and given me the gift of being able to surrender and truly let go. I have no idea when she will arrive or how it will all unfold but I trust deeply in her knowing of how to make her own way into the world. Until then I am embracing the space in between. 

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by Vanessa Braun Oct 11, 2018

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